Sleep
by SuchASeaweedBrain
Summary: It's a month after the season finale of season 4. Kensi seems to be living in her partners apartment. How are the two of them dealing with the events of a month ago. Can Kensi find a way to help Deeks, or will he give up before she can help him? Slightly OOC
1. Night

**A/N: Hey! This is a scene I have been playing around with in my mind for a while and I figured I would write it down. It's basically Kensi trying to help her partner. But not being sure how. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own these lovely amazing and incredible people. **

Kensi lay in bed. It was a quiet night. You didn't have many of those in LA. Especially not in Venice, but it seemed like the world had taken a break tonight. She should be sleeping, it was about 3 in the morning, she had woken up a few minutes ago. She tossed around in bed, turning over her pillow to find the cold side. She knew it was almost time. Every night it was the same thing, and surely not five minutes of laying staring at the ceiling later she heard a muffled scream from the room next to hers.

She slipped out of bed. She was wearing an LAPD shirt that was way too big for her. It was her partner's, he'd given it to her to sleep in since it was too big for him as well. She sneaked quietly down the hallway. She opened the door on her right. She poked her head inside. Deeks was sitting in his bed, his shoulders slumped down. He pulled his hand through his messy blonde curls. He looked over at her. His eyes were dull, with dark circles under them from constantly getting too little sleep. 'Again?' she softly asked him, slipping into the room.

He nodded. 'Every single time.' He shuddered, his voice cracking slightly. She sat down on the end of the bed. He stopped being impressed by her bare legs a week or two ago. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she couldn't, he would flinch and pull away. He'd done so for the past month. That's how long it had been since they'd pulled him and Sam out of the warehouse where Siderov had kept them. Deeks had almost been tortured to death. The doctor's said it was a miracle how quickly he recovered. The nurses blamed it on him being young and strong. He had them all wrapped around his baby finger by the way. Kind of annoying how they would swoon over him. Of course his recovery was purely physical, mentally Deeks was far from fine. Nate said he might never be the same again. He had been different in the hospital. Like he felt more safe there.

Deeks had come to work about a week ago, despite Hetty's orders for him to stay home. He'd come by. To say hi, since none of them had seen him much in the hospital, Deeks didn't want them too. Kensi didn't either but after he was released, or he released himself, the two had almost been living together. He'd come walking in and everyone seemed to stop what they were doing at the same time. People had all heard about the Navy SEAL and the LAPD detective getting taken and being tortured. Everyone had been put on the case of finding them. Deeks hadn't even flinched under the attention. He had just looked back. 'Don't you have criminals to catch?' He'd slowly asked. People had quickly averted their eyes and gone back to work.

Kensi had heard his voice from the wardrobe and frozen. Callen was already standing next to Deeks when she came out. Callen shook his hand. 'Good to see you man.' Deeks had given him a small smile. 'Good to see you to. I thought I'd come by, say hi.' Callen smiled at him. For a few minutes he seemed like the same old Deeks. But when she came walking towards him and hugged him, she could feel him freeze under her touch. She had let him go quickly. 'Sorry.' She had said. In her enthusiasm of seeing him at work again she'd forgot about that. He swallowed, it took him a few seconds to pull himself back together. 'Hey Fern, don't worry about it. I'll be fine.' He'd said, smiling at her, the smile just didn't reach his eyes. She'd looked at him carefully and saw the dark circles under his eyes.

She looked at her partner, there was a small layer of sweat on his face. 'I just wish I could sleep a full night for once.' He sighed. 'I'm sorry for keeping you up. You can go back to sleep, I'll be fine.' She sighed. 'You keep saying that, but you never are.' He looked at her. The shadow of fear still in his eyes. 'I just keep- keep seeing the same things. The guy coming towards me after torturing Sam. Every car or scooter triggers the memory of the- the drill. I can't deal with this for much longer.' He stuttered. This was a new thing. A month ago Deeks would never have stuttered. But every time he said something about his torture the words seemed to be caught in his throat.

'I know and I'm sorry.' She told him. 'But I can't let you give up.' She carefully reached out to touch his bare shoulder. He took her hand before she could. He held it. 'Who said anything about giving up?' he said. There was a audible change in his voice. There was an unexpected surge of strength in it. She looked up at him. A quick smile shot across her face. She saw a glimpse of the old Deeks. He let himself fall back onto the bed. The blanked slid of his chest, showing the old scars of the time he was shot. The one on his arm was the scar of something sharp from an explosion. And a few new scars, from his latest "adventure". They all reminded her of things they'd done together.

She looked at him. He was watching her. She gave him a reassuring smile. She was fine. She had to be. For him, for Sam, for Callen. He closed his eyes. Their fingertips still touching. She watched him as his breath slowed down. He was asleep. She checked his alarm clock. 4 in the morning. Another great night for Densi. Yeah, she'd picked up on Callen's nickname for the two of them. According to him it was easier to say both their name's at once, since it cost less time. According Callen him saying "Densi duck." Instead of "Kensi, Deeks duck." Was going to save their lives once. Plus she kind of liked the sound of it. Densi. It sounded cute. She was already working on the name for Callen and Sam. Gam or Sallen or Hallen…

She tried to get up but Deeks tightened his grip on her hand. 'No.' he muttered softly. She hesitated for a second. It would be good for him to get some sleep. Maybe… she sat down next to him. He tugged on her arm. 'Stay.' He mumbled. She was sure he was asleep. She carefully slid under the blankets and laid next to him. His body seemed to relax as she did. She was glad he had a big bed. She could just lay down for a bit. Make sure he got some sleep. She grabbed a small pillow and put her head down. Maybe he would sleep. Maybe she could help him. Maybe the nightmares would leave him alone.

Kensi slowly opened her eyes. Her head was resting on something warm and solid. She slowly blinked. Wait. Her pillow shouldn't be solid. Her eyes flew all the way open. Slowly she remembered the events of that night, or morning. She was laying on his shoulder and she felt his chest slowly rise and fall. She turned around away from him, blush creeping onto her cheeks. She checked the clock. 8 a clock. Wow he'd slept four hours straight, that was a first. Wait 8 a clock? O crap. She had to be at mission in half an hour. There was no way she was going to make that. She wanted to grab her phone from the cabinet next to her bed, but she realized again that she wasn't in her own room.

She slipped out of the bed as quietly as she could. She tiptoed to her room. The spare room. She grabbed her phone. Her alarm had gone of like it always did, only she wasn't there to hear it. Softly she cursed to herself, not just Deeks had fallen asleep easier with someone next to him. She dialled the number of Ops. 'Eric Beale.' Eric answered after two rings. 'Hey Eric it's Kensi, I'm going to be late, I'll be there as fast as I can okay?' She told the technical analyst. 'Of course. Everything okay? You're whispering.' Eric asked carefully. 'Yeah I'm fine. Bye.' She hung up quickly. She showered and got dressed in record time. She didn't take the time to eat or drink anything. Coffee would have to wait till Mission. She jumped in her car and let it speed out of the parking spot.

She came in 45 minutes late. Which wasn't as bad as she had expected, traffic had been light. To her surprise. 'Well Kens how nice of you to join us.' Callen smirked. 'Did Deeks keep you up again?' Nate asked. The team had temporarily been filled with two agents from other teams. Since just Kensi and Callen didn't make a team, they made a pair, as Hetty had nicely pointed out. The agents were good, great even. But they weren't Sam and Deeks and they knew it. 'No actually, he only woke me up once.' Nate seemed to be happy to hear that. 'Good.' Nate confirmed her suspicions. 'So why are you late?' Callen asked. 'Slept through my alarm.' Kensi said, technically it wasn't a lie. Her phone buzzed in her jacket pocket. The text was simple. "Thank you.". Send to her by "Marty Deeks".

**A/N: Okay, so let me hear what you think. If you want me to continue, leave me a review telling me and I'll try to make another chapter of Kens coming home from work. I the meantime, have a nice life!**


	2. Day

**A/N: Wow! This has to be the most reviews on a first chapter I've ever had! Thank you so much for the positive reactions! Even one in Italian that with a little help of Google I managed to translate. :D To the reviewer that said there were some errors in it (Sorry I forgot your username): English is not my native language, I have Dyslexia and I don't have a Beta, but I try my best to pick up on the errors myself. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA**

Kensi opened the door to Deeks' apartment. 'Hello?' She asked before stepping into the small hallway. The house stayed silent. That was strange. Deeks hardly ever left the apartment. She walked to the bedroom. She carefully opened the door. Nothing. She listened at the bathroom door. Silence. She walked into the kitchen. Empty. She even checked her own room. As much of a chaos as she left it, but no Deeks. Kensi walked back to the kitchen, she took of her jacket. Where could he be? When she dropped it on the table, a little note flew up and landed on the ground.

Kensi's breath got caught in her throat. A note. O God please, no. She quickly picked it up. Her mismatched eyes flew over the paper. She let her breath escape. _To the beach_. Was all it said. Kensi left her jacket on the table as she walked back out the front door. She knew where he was going to be. His favourite bit of beach, not too far from his apartment. Deeks hadn't touched his surfboard since he left the hospital, Nate had told him it was best if he didn't go in the water. A flashback could paralyze him and he could drown. She jogged down the street. A lot of thoughts shot through her mind. Why would he go to the beach now? How long had he been there? Would he do something stupid? What if he was in trouble? She jogged onto the small quiet stretch of beach Deeks liked so much. There was a woman with a tiny dog, the kind with the high-pitched bark and snappy attitude. A mother with two children playing in the sand.

And a lonely figure only a few meters from the waterline. She recognized him immediately. The late afternoon sunlight seemed to bounce of his curls. He was wearing sweatpants, a hoody and a leather jacket. As she came closer she noticed his feet were bare. 'I needed to see the ocean.' He said, his back still turned to her. She had no idea he had already heard her coming. He looked at her over his shoulder. His eyes seemed slightly more alive. 'You sneak around like you're in a ware- warehouse full of bad guys, normal people don't.' She couldn't help but smile. Sometimes he did something that reminded her so much of the "old Deeks" she wanted to cry, but other times he gave her a glimpse into the new Deeks he still seemed to be developing and it made her almost just as happy.

The new Deeks was different, but still the same. He still liked to joke, drop some witty one liner. But the new Deeks is also more guarded. His smile is more rare, and if he smiles it rarely reaches his eyes. But if it does, he lights up a room, just like the old Deeks. Where with the old Deeks you could let a bomb go of next to his head as he slept and he wouldn't wake up, the new Deeks was tormented by nightmares every night. The new Deeks has more scars, physically and mentally. Kensi was more worried about new Deeks then she'd ever been about old Deeks. But even with all these differences. He was still Deeks, still her partner and she would never let him forget that.

She sat down next to him in the sand. She wrapped her arms around her knees. 'You could've send me a text you know.' Kensi softly said. Deeks didn't look at her as he answered. 'Where's the fun in you always knowing where I am?' a small smile played on his face. She carefully watched him, the circles under his eyes seemed less prominent. 'The sleep did you good.' She stated. He glanced at her. 'Yeah it did. I was sitting at home, like I always do and I was restless, but -but not like I normally am. It took me a while to realize I wanted to do something. I was so scared it was going to go away I just kind of ran out the front door.' She couldn't help but laugh as she imagined Deeks running out of the door, jacket half on, bare feet. 'What do you think the neighbours thought of that?' she snickered. 'Probably just a confirmation that I'm crazy.' He said with a small smile playing around his lips. It felt like old times for a moment. 'You are crazy.' She winked at him.

'Absolutely.' He responded quickly. He opened his mouth and closed it again. 'What?' Kensi asked. He shook his head. 'Nothing.' He said, Kensi looked at him, her eyes slightly narrowed. He was going to say something. 'Tell me, Deeks.' She was scared for him. Was something bothering him? Was he having a flashback? 'Deeks.' Kensi knew there was a slight tone of fear in her voice. He turned to her, slowly shaking his head. 'Kens chill, I was going to say "Crazy about you, yeah." But that was just unacceptable, even for me.' He softly admitted. She let out a relieved breath. 'I thought something was wrong you idiot.' Kensi said, she wanted to punch him in the arm but she didn't. She didn't want to ruin this.

He looked at her again. 'Don't worry so much about me Kens. I may not be fine now, but eventually I will be.' She just looked at the ocean. The constant sound of the waves is kind of relaxing. She could see why he loved it here so much. The sun had almost disappeared behind the sea and Kensi got up. 'Want to go inside. It's getting kind of cold.' She asked. He nodded and held out his hand to her, gesturing to help him up. Kensi was surprised by his request but she took his hand and helped him up. She let go of his hand as he was on his feet again. They walked back to Deeks' apartment in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence though. When they arrive back in the apartment, Deeks drops himself in a chair. He looks at the clock. It's 8 o'clock. A slow smile crept over Deeks' face.

'What?' Kensi asked him. Deeks looked up at her. 'I went outside. I only had one slight panic attack. I feel like sleeping. Do you know how long that has been?' he sounded so amazed. 'Yeah I know.' Kensi smiled at him. He got up from his chair. He walked over to Kensi. 'Maybe I can do this Kens. Maybe I can actually get back to normal.' His eyes were shining and Kensi wanted to do nothing more than agree with him. 'Maybe. But please Deeks, remember. It's probably not going to be-' He interrupted her. 'This easy?' He smiled. 'I know. But it's a step forward, right?' he was like a child on Christmas morning. She couldn't help but smile. 'This is good!' Deeks grinned. 'Yes, it's a step forward.' She didn't want to spoil his mood, he would probably have a set back soon enough, but right now. He was feeling good. And she was not going to take that away from him.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Leave me a comment telling me what you think.**


	3. Morning

**A/N: Hey guys, thank you so much for all the reviews! I really appreciate it. I'm sorry for the wait! I am super busy with school! We're going towards the endof the year and I have to finish up on about four different projects and I have a presentation. For the next chapter we're skipping to the next day. :) Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS LA**

Kensi was already at the office, Deeks had woken her up twice that night. His positive attitude from the day before completely evaporated. It was about almost ten am and nothing exciting had happened. As a matter of fact, ever since Sam and Deeks had been taken and found they had barely had any cases. She suspected Hetty to be behind it. The agents filling in for Sam and Deeks were both young, not even fully trained yet. That's what Callen and Kensi spend most of their time on nowadays. Training the younger agents. Hetty had told her they were both incredibly promising agents and she wanted them to learn from the best. Kensi had smiled just slightly. It made here feel good when Hetty called her team the best.

She was in the gym, watching Callen spar with Jack, one of the youngsters. The other, Jason, was next to her. 'Watch the way Callen moves.' She told him. 'See how he calculates, waits.' She gestured at the Senior Agent. 'You need to find out how your opponent fights until you can decide your tactic.' She told Jason, he was smart, strong and a fast learner. Hetty was right, he would make a great agent someday. But then of course, when was Hetty ever wrong. Jack got impatient and attacked Callen. The latter even had time to smile as he took down the younger agent with ease. That was Jack's flaw. He was a great fighter, strong and agile, but he was impatient. Jack got up. Taking his stance across from Callen again, frowning.

'Be patient, focussed. Try to find a weak spot, and if they make a mistake, use it. If you get the opportunity take them down, take it.' It was almost exactly what she'd wanted to say, but it hadn't come from her mouth. She wheeled around. She had recognized the specific surfer drawl of her partner immediately.

'Deeks?' She said in surprise. She didn't even notice that behind her Jack took Callen down. The team leader had been looking at Deeks, just as surprised as Kensi

'Yes!' Jack exclaimed happily. 'Thanks man!' he grinned at Deeks. The latter laughed.

'Don't let your guard down Callen, rookie mistake.' Deeks grinned as Callen got up from the mat. He rolled his eyes but smiled while doing it.

'Deeks, good to see you. What are you doing here?' he smiled, walking over to him shaking his hand and patting him on the shoulder. Deeks tensed slightly but shook it of just as quickly. He smirked at Callen.

'So, you two are replacing me and Sam?' there was humour in Deeks' voice, but only audible for people that knew him. The two younger agents swallowed. Deeks' eyes were stormy blue and had switched from laughing too cold in a second. The detective looked quite intimidating, especially since Callen and Kensi had used the story of their partners torture as a warning, and it had struck the two young man like a bomb. Seeing the man in real life, one of the guys who went through hell to protect someone he barely knew. Jason opened his mouth, wanting to say something, when Deeks grinned.

'Good, looks like I still have it.' He smirked, and Kensi laughed.

'Relax guys, he was kidding.' Kensi assured the two agents in training. Jason let out a breath. He stepped forward.

'Jason Marwick.' He introduced himself to Deeks. He held out his hand to Deeks. The latter took it. Not bothering trying to intimidate the kid further by squishing his hand. Jack stepped forward, following his friends example.

'Jackson Bennet.' He introduced himself. 'Call me Jack.' The brunet smiled. Deeks shook his hand.

'Marty Deeks.' He told the two. Not wincing the slightest bit at their touch. She could tell he was forcing himself not to. 'Well Fern, aren't you going to give me a hug? You did last time I was here.' Deeks smirked at her. She narrowed her eyes. The two trainees looked at her surprised, Deeks was the only one who called her Fern, ever.

'Fern?' Jack snickered. Kensi didn't hesitate for a second. She grabbed Jack's wrist and flipped him. He landed flat on his back. Nocking the breath from his lungs. Deeks winced.

'Ouch.' He muttered, walking towards the young agent trying to catch his breath. 'Yeah, maybe I should have warned you about that.' He said, grabbing Jack's hand and pulling him up. 'Only I can get away with that.' Deeks muttered in his ear. Jack coughed slightly, regaining his breath.

'Thanks.' Jack said rolling his shoulders. Kensi couldn't help but snicker.

'Never let your guard down.' She smirked at Jack. 'Why are you here Deeks?' She asked, walking slightly away from the rest. 'You're supposed to be home, recuperating.' She asked him, softly. The guys didn't need to know everything. He smiled at her, he looked better, the dark circles under his eyes less prominent.

'Kens, I wanted to go somewhere, so I figured I would come here. I can keep tabs on this place a bit, right? Plus I wanted to meet the new guys.' He smiled at her. She smiled back.

'Of course you can.' She glanced at the guys. Callen had already gone back to teaching Jack a new move using Jason to show him. 'Maybe you can help us.' A small smile played on her face.

'What are you thinking?' he smirked, noticing the twinkle in his partners eyes. 'Whatever you're up to, I'm in. I haven't done anything remotely exciting in a month.' Deeks grinned at her, his smile reaching his eyes. She smirked slightly.

'How are you feeling partner?' she asked him, fully grinning now. 'No physical pain?' Deeks shook his head no, still wondering where she was going. 'Well then why don't we see how our trainees deal with fighting you. They don't know your style, you don't fight like an agent and they probably think you're a bit fragile.' Kensi knew the opposite was true. As soon as he could, Deeks had gone back to getting in shape, sparring with imaginary partners, using different gyms down town to get his stamina and technique up to date again. He had told her he wanted to make sure that when he got back to work he would be ready. He had even met up with Sam, who shared his vision. He would be able to give the two young agents a run for their money. A slow smile crept across Deeks' face.

'Let's do it.' He grinned, she could tell he was happy for the distraction, the action. Her faith in him. The two walked over to Callen and the trainees.

'Callen.' She called and he stopped explaining how to take a man down with one kick. He looked up. 'Deeks wants to try and spar with our new agents, test if they can have our back.' Kensi grinned at him. Callen caught onto their plan immediately.

'Are you sure Deeks?' He asked, faking worry. Jack and Jason shared a worried look and she almost smirked. Deeks nodded, determined look on his face, the slight hint of worry he added made him seem more fragile.

'I can do this.' Deeks smiled. 'So who's first?' Deeks asked immediately, looking at the agents. She knew he had noticed the fact that Jack was a bit more impatient and impulsive than Jason.

'Jason, you go first.' Kensi said to him and the dark haired blue eyed agent stepped onto the mat. Deeks was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, not the best fighting gear but okay, standing slightly crouched on the other side of the mat. She could tell he was ready. She also knew someone who didn't know him wouldn't see that. Jason threw her a wary look. 'Go on. He can handle it.' she told him lightly. Deeks smirked.

'Yeah, I can handle it.' he told him and without warning he lashed out at the young agent. The latter ducked just in time and went into action mode. They went into a fast whirlwind of kicks and punches. Kensi could tell Jason was having a hard time with Deeks unconventional way of fighting. Deeks didn't fight like an agent, he fought like a cop. Like a guy who had learned to fight on the streets more than in a gym. They seemed to be quite even, until Deeks switched tactics out of nowhere and took Jason down with a move Kensi had seen him use before. The young agent landed flat on his back, getting the air knocked out of his lungs. Kensi saw the surprise on both Jack and Jason's faces. Then Jack burst out laughing.

'You just got your ass kicked by a cop.' He smirked at his friend who was being pulled up by Deeks. The latter narrowed his eyes at Jack. He motioned for him to come on the mat, and Jack turned serious again.

'Let's see if you've been paying attention.' Deeks said, his voice low and intimidating. Kensi knew Jack had been way to focussed on Jason getting beat by Deeks to have paid attention to the way Deeks fought. Instead of letting Deeks get the first move again, Jack attacked. Deeks ducked and literally rolled out of the way, sweeping with his long leg. He knocked Jack of his feet immediately. 'You're too impatient.' He told Jack. Standing up straight again. Jack jumped back to his feet, a frown on his face. He attacked again. Deeks took him down. Jack attacked again. Deeks took him down. At one point Jack became so frustrated he forgot to pull his punches. He hit Deeks square in the jaw and the latter rolled over his back getting in a crouching position of the ground. He launched himself at the agent. Tackling him to the ground. Deeks rolled away and stepped of the mat. Deeks let out an impressive string of curses as he carefully touched his jaw. Jack was still lying on his back, panting.

'Marty, are you okay?' Kensi asked, panic rippling through her. He turned. She could see he was fighting the memories threatening to overtake him. She made him sit down on a bench. Jason looked worried over to Callen. The latter picked up Jack from the mat and hissed at him to apologize. When Deeks heard that he shook his head no.

'I can't freak whenever someone hits me in the jaw Callen. That going to happen and I need to deal with it.' Deeks said, a slightly stubborn tone to his voice. Kensi sat next to him as she watched him fight the memories. The youngsters were quiet as they watched Deeks struggle. Kensi let them. Maybe they could even learn from Deeks. Face your fears, don't run from them. She smiled as Deeks looked up at her. Eyes clear and bright. He won, at least this time.

**A/N: Guys! Thanks for reading. I'm not sure if I like it but, I wanted to introduce J&J and I'm so damn busy I don't have time to read it over and over. Review!**


	4. Late Morning

**A/N: Hey guys! I have decided I kinda like the J's (Jack and Jason). They have drawn my attention. Of course this will still be about Deeks and Kens. Don't worry. I really wanted to make a chapter of Deeks and J&J so that's what this is going to be. Last chapters I used Kensi's POV and perception of things. Now it's going to be Jason. **

**Disclaimer: I own no one but Jason and Jack.**

He watched the man in front of him. The blonde, messy, curly hair, baby blue eyes and laid back attitude suggested he wasn't much of a threat to anyone. After fighting the detective, Jason changed his mind. Deeks was strong, agile and he had caught him completely by surprise. He didn't fight like anything Jason had encountered before. He liked the experience. He needed to be prepared for anything and fighting Deeks had made him realize that maybe he wasn't as ready for that as he thought he was. Jason had bucket loads of respect for the detective.

When Jack had whined about the interrogation training Callen had given them, the Special Agent had calmly told them both the story of the two teammates they were filling in for. Despite the fact that Callen was a master of his emotions, he had seen the anger in the agents cold blue eyes. The story had made Jason shudder and that night he had a nightmare about it. He couldn't even start to imagine what it was like to have actually lived through it. His eyes found his young friend. Jack was impatient, but a great fighter. Deeks had pushed all of his buttons by taking him down, again and again. Not even giving Jack the chance to get into the fight. Again and again telling him what he was doing wrong. He had seen the change in Jack's eyes.

The string of curses Deeks let out was quite impressive. 'Ten.' He muttered under his breath. In his family it was customary to give a mark to a curse. One to ten. Originality and length playing a part in the grade. He stood and watched as the detectives eyes seemed to darken. The way Deeks could change from cold to laughing in a second was impressive. He knew Deeks was a great undercover cop. Kensi had told him about it. He could tell she was proud of her partner. There was a bond between the two he had yet to understand. They were like best friends, but then with something more. He just couldn't put his finger on it. Whether they were or weren't together had flashed through his mind. Kensi went to get an ice pack for Deeks jaw and Callen went to get a bandage for Jacks wrist. He had landed on it badly when Deeks took him down.

Jack was sitting on a bench, a couple of meters away from Deeks. He could tell his friend was impressed by the way Deeks handled him losing control of his irritation. He could also see the guilt on Jack's face. Deeks seemed to notice as well.

'Jack.' Deeks said, his voice sounded calm and reassuring. 'Come here for a sec.' He said motioning for him to come over. Jack got up and dropped himself next to him.

'Sorry man. I wasn't thinking.' Jack softly told the blonde man. The detective carefully touched his jaw.

'It's fine. I have to be able to take these kind of punches. You've got a mean right hook.' Jack laughed. Jason could see where Deeks was coming from. The jaw was one of the most "popular" places to hit someone. If Deeks would freak out every time someone touched him there, he would never be able to do undercover work again. The silence slowly became uncomfortable.

'Deeks, can I ask you something?' Jason said, breaking the pressing silence. The cop looked up at him and nodded.

'Of course.'

'Why do you like undercover work so much?' This was something Jason had thought about. He couldn't see how that would be fun. To him it seemed complicated and terrifying. Deeks smiled. A genuine smile.

'It has something to do with the fact that you can fool these people. These people that are able to avoid the police, you can fool them. Just by pretending to be someone you're not. Just by slipping into an alias, you can fool some of the most clever guys out there. By changing your name, the way you walk, talk, laugh. There are very few things in the world that feel better than the shock on the guys face as he's arrested. The moment when he realizes that you lied straight to his face, and he didn't see it.' He paused. 'Of course there's also the thrill. When someone starts to doubt you and you have to come up with a story on the spot, or you get a bullet in your brain. When they ask you straight up "Are you a cop?" and you have to hide your reaction. When they tell you to prove yourself by doing something you would never do yourself, and you manage to talk yourself out of it.' He takes a deep breath. 'And sometimes it's just the escape from your real life. Being a undercover cop is one of the most versatile professions out there. One week I can be a homeless person, and the next a high en lawyer.' Deeks looked up at him. 'Some days, being someone else is easier.' Jason nodded. It was quite the confession, suggesting that Deeks' life hadn't been the most pleasant. Maybe the whole laid back attitude was just a matter of protection. Jack had been listening with interest.

'So are you en Kensi together?' Jack asked. Sometimes he could be very blunt. Jason's face must have been shocked because Deeks laughed at him. He shook his head.

'No, Kens and I are not together. We're partners.' He said, as if that explained everything. Jason and Jack shared a look.

'Sure.' Jack stretched out the syllables. He stood up as Deeks snickered. Kensi came through the door icepack in hand. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she saw Jack. Deeks noticed as well. He got up and came to meet her halfway. He said something to her in a soft tone, that Jason couldn't decipher. The way they talked to each other, and the way she moved around him showed deep trust. She handed him the icepack wrapped up in a towel. He tried to convince her it really wasn't necessary but she refused to give up. They were entertaining to watch. Their bickering was more friendly and teasing then anything even close to a real argument. Finally Deeks gave up. He let himself fall back down on the bench next to me. He carefully put the icepack to his jaw. He flinched as the cold pack touched is jaw, but after a few seconds he relaxed.

'So,' Deeks said, the sound was muffled slightly by the towel. 'Now that you've wounded me. I expect some entertainment.' He grinned. I looked at Jack. He shrugged. 'Why don't you spar with each other for a bit? I curious to see who wins.' He smirked. Jack grinned widely at Jason. When they sparred Jack usually won. Where Jack was stronger, Jason was faster, they were quite a good match, but in the end Jack usually ended up winning.

'Sure, why not.' Jason shrugged, 'Least we can do.' Deeks sat back and relaxed. Callen stood beside the mat to give them tips and Kensi dropped herself next to the detective. She rolled her eyes at Jack's excited behaviour. He already seemed to be completely over the events of just minutes ago. She softly said something to Deeks. His expression caught Jason's attention. Of course that was a mistake. He should have been paying attention to Jack who was already in fighting stance. His friend attacked him without warning. Jason hit the mat.

'Jason, pay attention!' Callen called at him.

'Sorry.' He said, focussing on Jack. He couldn't resist a glance at the agent and detective though. They seemed to be in deep conversation. Not paying the slightest bit of attention to the "entertainment" Jack and Jason were providing.

**A/N: Okay, slightly shorter that the last. This was from Jason's eyes. I was surprised by the struggle this was. I'm sorry for the wait btw, I am two weeks into a four week internship and I've been super busy! Updates can be irregular. **


	5. Midday

**A/N: Okay guys, next chapter. OMG have you heard the rumours about the fact that Deeks may return to the LAPD? No! Or maybe yes, I mean I would be very interested to see how Deeks really communicates with the other LAPD peoples. I mean, there have been several hints cops don't like Deeks at all, but we hardly know why! Back to Kensi's POV. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS: LA.**

She dropped down next to Deeks on the bench. She had been shocked by the fear she felt when she saw Jack's fist hit Deeks' jaw, somewhere deep inside she was ashamed of the thoughts running through her head at that moment. She had thought he would attack Jack or that he would break down completely. He did neither and she was impressed. He was still pressing the icepack carefully to his jaw. It was kind of entertaining how he had tried to persuade her that he was fine. Of course she didn't budge.

'You could have at least let me punch him in the face.' She muttered to Deeks, giving Jack a slightly fowl look. He already seemed way to much over hitting Deeks in the face. When she turned to look at Deeks she was surprised, he looked angry. She was vaguely aware of Callen yelling at Jason.

'No. I have to be able to do this Kens, it was good. In fact maybe I should ask him to do it again.' He said, maybe slightly challenging.

'Deeks.' Her tone was soft but warning.

'Kensi, I know you're worried, but please stop. I don't need you to be like some mother bear protecting her cub. I took care of myself long before I met you. I have been through hell before and I ended up fine every time. This time is no different.' He paused, 'I need to do this.' He smirked. 'I'm a machine, I may have a couple of screws loose, but I'm running smoothly.' He tried to make this a joke but Kensi was not amused.

'Stop pushing me away. I will not have it.' She remarked, the tone of her voice worried her. There was a pleading undertone. Somewhere in the corner of her eye she noticed Jack taking Jason down for the second time, it was odd, she noticed without paying attention. Jason usually put up more of a fight. Deeks got up. He grabbed her hand and put the icepack in it. The sudden contact surprised her.

'I'll be fine. Trust me.' He walked away. Kensi stayed on the bench. She was to stunned to move. For more than a month she'd been by his side. Helping him, supporting him. And now he just walked away, he pushed her away. She knew Callen was looking at her, she tried to keep her emotions under control and she knew she failed miserably. Jack and Jason became silent as she got up and marched from the gym. She vaguely heared Jack ask if they can stop now. She couldn't hear Callen's response, but she's sure just because of that comment, Jack is far from done.

She walked back into the bullpen. Deeks' bag was gone and so was its owner. Then she noticed someone walking across the balcony on his way to OPS, carrying a big pile of files. 'Eric!' She called out.

The tech almost dropped his files as he jumped at the sudden noise. When he noticed the owner of the voice he relaxed. 'Kensi, what's up?' He asked.

'Did you see Deeks leave?' She wasted no time asking. At the immediately surprised look on the techs face she already knew the answer.

'Wait Deeks was here?' She couldn't help but sigh.

'Yeah and he kind of ran off. Don't worry, I'll find him.' She assured the blond, dressed in some of the most ridiculous pants she's ever seen. She moved away from Eric after he gave her a quick nod and continued to walk towards OPS.

Kensi headed outside. The LA sunlight blinded her for a second. When her eyes got used to the bright light, she quickly scanned her surroundings. No mop of curly blond hair. Not that she expected him to hang around, not unless he wanted to be found. His comment ran through her head. Had she been smothering him? Should she have given him more space? And most important: Would he really be fine on his own? She quickly answered: Maybe, maybe and no.

She started to walk, choosing the path into town. If Deeks didn't want to be found, he wouldn't go to the beach, to obvious. Unless of course, that's what he wanted her to think. O dear God, she was starting to sound like one of those mediocre cops from procedural cop shows. If Deeks could have heard her think that. He wouldn't have let her hear the end of it.

But Deeks wasn't there, and he couldn't read her mind. Although sometimes he made it seem like he could. He knew exactly when to bring her a jelly doughnut, when to stop pushing her and when to keep asking without making her too angry. He also knew exactly when something was bothering her, when she was forming a dangerous plan and when she felt guilty. He was also one of the few people who knew exactly how to make her forget the bad things, make her forget her guilt, her pain. Even if it was just for a few hours as he brought over a beer, a hamburger and watched crappy TV with her. Over the past month she'd been surprised how much she enjoyed having him around, messed up or not. It also scared her. After her dad and Jack she'd promised herself that she'd never need anyone again. She worked her ass off to be able to protect herself at all costs.

Somehow this laidback, cocky, joking, flirting, sharpshooting, undercover working LAPD detective had worked his way into her heart. Like how ketchup comes from a bottle, slowly and then all at once. Weird comparison, but it's food.

She kept a steady pace as she worked her way up the street. There were a lot of people out so finding him was going to be hard. She recognized a lot of the people as tourists, either by the foreign language they spoke, or just the way they walk around. Deeks was born and raised in LA so that should've made him more easy to find. But then again, Deeks wasn't your ordinary person. Deeks knew how to disappear. How to blend in. If Deeks didn't want her to find him, she was going to have a hell of a hard time finding him. She ignored the nagging feeling of worry. He can take care of himself. He can take care of himself. He had just assured her of that. Then why was she having such a hard time believing him? Right, because it was a barefaced lie.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! My internship is finished, I had an amazing time. But tomorrow I'm going on holiday to Croatia for three weeks, and I'm not sure if I have WIFI there (cue horrified gasp). So I'm not sure if I'll be able to post. **


	6. Afternoon

**A/N: Hey guys. I'm back from Croatia. It was awesome! This is a Deeks' POV.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the brilliance that is Densi.**

His step was slow. He wasn't running, he was just trying to think. He couldn't do that with her around. Whenever she was around his thoughts became a jumbled mess. When he was found, all he could hear was her voice, pleading, begging him to stay awake. He fought to listen to her, he fought to stay with her. Then when he woke up in the hospital there she was again. He still wasn't sure why he had send her away as soon as he realized how he'd looked. Broken, messed up, bruised. The hurt look in her eyes as he told her to leave him alone.

He had moved towards his apartment. She wouldn't look for him there, too obvious. He passed a couple with two children, a group of tourists speaking French and a young man behind a hotdog stand. They seemed so normal. The world just kept turning. Every day, always. The sun was blazing as he kept walking.

'Hey there, kid.' A voice sounded from beside him. Deeks frowned as he looked down. There was a man, sitting in the shadow of a broken parasol. The man looked homeless, torn, dirty clothes, long, tangled hair, rotten, filthy teeth.

'Yes?' Deeks answered politely.

'Straighten your back kid and remember, every man needs a woman in his life, just like in chess, the Queen protects the King.' The man's voice was raspy and sounded old. Deeks was stunned, and yet he found himself standing up straighter. Pushing his chest forward more.

'Thank you.' He said as he dropped twenty dollars in the man's cup. He turned and walked away. 'I think.' Deeks mind wondered as he walked along the street in which his apartment was located, so close to the beach he could hear the waves. How did that man know? Was he that obviously broken? He had always prided himself on being difficult to read. He had too, being a undercover cop. He walked towards his apartment but didn't enter. He looked at his car. He had barely driven since… he shivered slightly. He walked towards his car. He usually took taxi's, for the same reason he didn't surf. He could be paralyzed by a flashback. But when was the last time he had one of those? Five days? A week? Maybe he could drive. Just for a bit. To a surfer beach. So that he could at least watch other people do what he loved.

'O what the hell.' He muttered as he unlocked the door of his car. As he got in he felt himself relax. This was something he knew. Something familiar. Something he'd done before… he put the key in the ignition and turned. The sound of the engine was so familiar he grinned. He pulled out of his parking spot. He turned onto the road that headed towards his favourite surf spot. He was feeling good. Not fine, good. He opened the windows of his car and let the cool breeze flow through it. He knew he should probably have left them up and turned on the air-conditioning, to keep him from hearing bad sounds. But he was already throwing all caution in the wind.

It was stupid of course. When he drove past a motel who's neon sign was broken he heard an electrical buzzing. His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter. Electrical. Shocks. Screams. No. He was in his car, no electrical chairs, no Sam. No screaming. He fought the memories but he was tired. That's the rotten thing about pain. It doesn't just tear you apart from the inside, it doesn't just make you feel like pulling your hair out, it doesn't just make your insides squirm. I demands to be felt, it demands attention. He put his car on the side of the road as he let his head fall against the wheel. The sounds of cars passing by was monotone, it helped. He sat there, hands loosely on the wheel, forehead pressed against the warm surface, eyes closed. He heard a car stop behind him. He should move. It wasn't until he heard a car door slam and footsteps that he looked up. He checked his rear-view mirror. LAPD. Marvellous.

'Sir, are you all right over here.' The cop asked through the open window. His voice sounded vaguely familiar. Deeks looked up. He saw the recognition in his eyes.

'Deeks?' His tone was surprised.

'Hey Murray.' Deeks smiled, remembering the cops name.

'What are you doing here kid. You okay?' Murray had been his handler during one of his first LAPD undercover operations.

'Yeah, was just going for a drive, when I got a major headache.' Deeks lied. Murray nodded.

'Rumour has it one of your ops with the feds went wrong, got anything to do with that?' Murray asked while he raised an eyebrow.

'Maybe.' Deeks smiled. He'd forgotten how much the approximately 50 year old cop saw.

'How bad?' Murray said, there was a hint of concern on his face.

'Bad.' He didn't need to say more. Murray nodded, they were both silent. Deeks was sitting up now, head resting against the seat.

'Okay kid. I need to get going. Just drive safely okay.' Murray said tapping the roof. 'And take care of yourself.'

'Thanks Murray.' Deeks said. 'I'll see you around.' The cop was already walking away.

'You better. I want to see that cocky smirk of yours around the precinct real soon.' He called over his shoulder. Deeks laughed. He forgot how much he liked the man. He carefully started to drive again. The rest of his road to the beach went without incident.

He arrived at the pier. He parked and locked his car after he got out. He walked towards the pier. He leaned against the wooden edge. He took a deep breath, the salty sea air was something he knew. Something he craved. He closed his eyes while the sun shone in his face. He stood there for a while. Just listening. Thinking. He'd talked to a lot of people today. Callen, Kensi, Jack, Jason, the homeless man and Murray. Much more than normally.

Deeks thought it was funny how he wanted the sun to lower quicker. He wanted it to sink in the ocean. He wanted the darkness that it would give. Darkness was something he'd come to understand. He'd come to respect. When he had just been admitted in the hospital, he was afraid of the dark. What would lurk in the shadows? What would happen if he closed his eyes? If he opened them again, would he still be in his bed? Or would he be back in the chair? Would he even open them at all? But since Kensi had been there, every time his eyes opened… well he used to be afraid of the dark, but now it was all that he wanted. All that he needed, and it came every day. That was somewhat reassuring, that no matter how hellish his day had been, the darkness always came.

But with the darkness also came the dreams. The once that made him wake up in cold sweat. The ones that he preferred not to think about. He shook his head. No thinking about the dreams. He must have been there for a while because the sun had already lowered quite a bit since he'd gotten there. He recognized the sound of the engine before anything else. He didn't turn around. He heard the door open and close. Steps closing in.

'So, GPS tracker on my phone? My car? Or did you put one in my underwear?' He smirked as the footsteps stopped next to him.

'I went to the apartment and noticed your car was missing. I called Eric.' There was a hint of annoyance in her voice.

'Have you been looking all this time?' He wondered out loud.

'Yeah, you manage to do the exact opposite of what I expect.' She said. When he smiled she added: 'You always seem to do the stupid things.' He put his hand on his heart.

'Ouch, that hurts.' He mocked.

'Why are you so happy?' She asked. He turned to look straight in her brown mismatched eyes.

'Because life is a unforgiving bitch.'

**A/N: Yay. Done. :). Leave me a review. **


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